I love to blog. It's much less dramatic when I write my feelings here as opposed to clogging up my facebook. I'm such a complex asshole, the least I can do is spare the people who don't really want to see it ;)
Little known fact about me: I have terrible anxiety.
When I get tired that anxiety is about 100x more obvious. I am erratic, I'm mean, I become lazy.. I essentially personify a person I do not like. And it's always always linked to bad sleeping patterns. Right now Kate and El are going to bed around 8pm and sleeping until about 8am. Most of the time much earlier, very rarely later. Ava goes to bed anywhere between 11pm and 2am. And then I get up several times a night, mostly because of Carl snoring or some other reason. So ON A GOOD NIGHT I might get 6ish hours of sleep, which is doable for me. But lately, since my surgery, I've been getting about 4..ish
It's been really hard to recover from a painful surgery.. The pain in my hernia kept me up for days before I got it taken care of. The pain of the incision kept me up for about a week after surgery. I'm now starting to feel better, but I'm not getting as much sleep as I need. I say such awful mean things (to carl, or muttered under my breath. Or screamed out loud if that's how I feel! it's bad) when I am tired. I'm so horrible =( I can't go on living this way..
I'm making a pact with myself to get my priorities straight, to try to be kinder to people around me. And to make some dang time for myself!!! I plan to post pictures of my kids weekly, so I can go back and check out those amazing girls. I'll try to post different things they say/do each week also. It will help me to see the amazing girls I was given. They are my greatest gift, and I need NEED to start appreciating what I have. That's not to say that I don't, it's that sometimes I get so blinded by the dumb crap going on around me, I don't see the loves of my life as clearly. It's sad. They deserve more. I'm going to make sure they get it! <3
fe
No comments:
Post a Comment