Struggle with Hyperemesis Gravidarum

I hate being pregnant. You might ask, "Why get pregnant AGAIN if it's not something you enjoy doing?" What I enjoy is my children. What I enjoy is feeling the kicks and knowing I created a life with the man I love. What I hate is the constant, debilitating morning sickness. I am sick constantly. And I am so tired of it. I don't like feeling like I got hit by a dump truck, but that is consistently my life during pregnancy. And magically, it just STOPS the moment I deliver. I always wonder "why me?!" I am constantly jealous of women who can carry a baby to term without any complications. I swear each pregnancy for me brings a new one. But one thing has been notoriously consistent: Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

In other words, severe morning sickness. I don't know why they call it that. For anyone who has ever experienced HG, even more mildly, will tell you its ALL OF THE TIME! It's everything you eat. It effects how you sleep. It dehydrates you. I drink more then DOUBLE the recommended amount of water during my pregnancies DAILY because I'm terrified of being dehydrated and accidentally causing preterm labor. I know the end result is the most amazing experience on the planet, but getting there takes some serious patience. I am fearful for my children, and wonder if they will have pregnancies like mine.. I'm just sick of being sick. I want to sit back and enjoy this ride. Some days are easier then others. In my case, I have been sick daily for the last almost two weeks now. After having a bit of time off, it seems to have come back full force. It's like being in the first trimester and miserable all over again. I drop weight like crazy when it kicks in. During my pregnancy with Kate I lost 30lbs over all. With Ellie I lost 35. So far this one has fluctuated, and I'm back to being -25 after gaining a few pounds.

I feel weak, I feel exhausted. Even when I sleep a full night I am not rested. My stomach hurts. I have broken blood vessels on my face from violently being sick. I throw up until I get bloody noses and/or cough up blood. I am tired of my body hating the creation of my children. They are the most important part of my life... And the way I feel while baking them.. Almost like I regret the pregnancies.. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I DON'T!! But.. In my darkest hours.. I wonder if I should have put myself through this again... And even FEELING that way makes me so sick and so sad.

I don't know what causes this. I don't know how to change it. I've tried so many different options, medications, diet changes. Nothing works consistently for long. I'll find a food that miraculously stays down for a few days, then all of a sudden I'm back to square one. I used to call those my "safe foods" but nothing is really safe anymore =(

I'll power through, I'm nearly done. Next friday (Kate's birthday) Will be exactly 3 months until my due date. I know I can do this. I KNOW I CAN!!

If you're interested in reading some extra information, please visit this site: http://www.hyperemesis.org