Clever blog title

Carl thinks Ava will be crawling soon. I think so too. She's been rolling from back to front, then back to her back. It cracks me up how wiggly she has gotten. Developmentally she's only considered 3 months (tomorrow anyway) but she's amazing us every day!!

Ellie has been sick, she's needed breathing treatments every 4 hours for the last couple of day.. It's made her a restless sleeper. She slept in bed with me last night, but I couldn't get her down until around 5 this morning. Between her and Ava, I got about 3 hours of sleep. I'm in total zombie mode right now. I was a total jerk to Carl this morning. I feel so bad about it, but it's like this other person takes over and I just go CRAZY! *sigh*

I'm thinking it's time to cut more stuff from Kate's diet. We've cut red40 out and it's helped, but she's definitely still having issues. I'm thinking about cutting out sugar (or at least significantly cutting it down) and going gluten free. I was thinking about having her tested for allergies, but her pedi had mentioned before that it's kind of invasive. I don't want to upset her and end up at square one with her dr. She struggled going to the dr for a very long time. I don't want to go back to that.

I wish I had more time, there is more to talk about and pictures to post. But Ava woke up! And the girls are dancing like crazy to Justin Bieber.. Little freak that he is. lol

Struggle with Hyperemesis Gravidarum

I hate being pregnant. You might ask, "Why get pregnant AGAIN if it's not something you enjoy doing?" What I enjoy is my children. What I enjoy is feeling the kicks and knowing I created a life with the man I love. What I hate is the constant, debilitating morning sickness. I am sick constantly. And I am so tired of it. I don't like feeling like I got hit by a dump truck, but that is consistently my life during pregnancy. And magically, it just STOPS the moment I deliver. I always wonder "why me?!" I am constantly jealous of women who can carry a baby to term without any complications. I swear each pregnancy for me brings a new one. But one thing has been notoriously consistent: Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

In other words, severe morning sickness. I don't know why they call it that. For anyone who has ever experienced HG, even more mildly, will tell you its ALL OF THE TIME! It's everything you eat. It effects how you sleep. It dehydrates you. I drink more then DOUBLE the recommended amount of water during my pregnancies DAILY because I'm terrified of being dehydrated and accidentally causing preterm labor. I know the end result is the most amazing experience on the planet, but getting there takes some serious patience. I am fearful for my children, and wonder if they will have pregnancies like mine.. I'm just sick of being sick. I want to sit back and enjoy this ride. Some days are easier then others. In my case, I have been sick daily for the last almost two weeks now. After having a bit of time off, it seems to have come back full force. It's like being in the first trimester and miserable all over again. I drop weight like crazy when it kicks in. During my pregnancy with Kate I lost 30lbs over all. With Ellie I lost 35. So far this one has fluctuated, and I'm back to being -25 after gaining a few pounds.

I feel weak, I feel exhausted. Even when I sleep a full night I am not rested. My stomach hurts. I have broken blood vessels on my face from violently being sick. I throw up until I get bloody noses and/or cough up blood. I am tired of my body hating the creation of my children. They are the most important part of my life... And the way I feel while baking them.. Almost like I regret the pregnancies.. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I DON'T!! But.. In my darkest hours.. I wonder if I should have put myself through this again... And even FEELING that way makes me so sick and so sad.

I don't know what causes this. I don't know how to change it. I've tried so many different options, medications, diet changes. Nothing works consistently for long. I'll find a food that miraculously stays down for a few days, then all of a sudden I'm back to square one. I used to call those my "safe foods" but nothing is really safe anymore =(

I'll power through, I'm nearly done. Next friday (Kate's birthday) Will be exactly 3 months until my due date. I know I can do this. I KNOW I CAN!!

If you're interested in reading some extra information, please visit this site: http://www.hyperemesis.org